Comments on: Why didn’t I run (when I could)?

By: Elaine

Elaine — Thu, 16 Nov 2006 00:07:07 +0000

Good to know…I used a translator and it still didn’t make any sense!

By: APN

APN — Tue, 14 Nov 2006 18:53:25 +0000

Thanks for the comments ladies.

Wilsonian — I’m glad that you felt that I captured that “mystical” slowing of time. That was my goal with the words I chose.

Elaine — I wanted the rhyme to be there, intentionally, in a way that wasn’t a traditional rhyme structure, because of the use of that section twice.
And the German — well, I borrowed this template from a German template site and I can’t always catch the places the German was used or even modify the template to use English. Oh well….

By: Elaine

Elaine — Tue, 14 Nov 2006 18:35:58 +0000

Okay, weird.
Not sure what the German stuff was…

By: Elaine

Elaine — Tue, 14 Nov 2006 18:35:09 +0000

“And, oh the pain filled up my brain.
And I knew that I could still make it out.
Get away, all on my own.”
I really like the two newest poems on your site, they are very lyrical. The imagery is good, I am just not sure about the pain/brain combination. It changes the tone of the piece since nothing else rhymes.

By: wilsonian

wilsonian — Tue, 14 Nov 2006 16:39:55 +0000

Two things strike me most about this piece:

-your use of language draws out the moment, very much like that pre-disaster moment when time seems to slow mystically, and you become hyper-aware of every element around you. You’ve captured this effectively.

-the parallel between the self-isolation (“Get away, all on my own.”) and the isolation that comes from being a target, of experiencing deep pain.

I’m very interested to see how this unfolds.